A Night for Celebration
by johnnyshines
Summary: When a suprise birthday party is planned, El Blanco considers abdicating his throne.


The décor of El Blanco's subterranean throne room could only  
be described as severe. The walls were rough hewn stone, the  
once-ornate floor worn smooth from thousands of years of  
Tremors traversing its surface. In various places pools of  
dusty water had collected. Several torches burned, sending  
oily soot into the air. Everywhere hung tattered tapestries,  
depicting ancient Graboid victories. Some featured El Blanco  
himself. The old wyrm stretched out upon a huge raised  
platform, with a series of scrolls laid before him.  
"These maps are no longer accurate! How many years has it  
been since a Tremor has been able to roam free upon the  
surface of this infernal Earth? I must send a legion of my  
most superior Graboids to survey this jewel called Perfection  
Valley. For this mission, possibly my last, must be  
flawlessly executed. This birthday party must be a  
surprise..."  
  
Burt ably piloted his dune buggy into the garage. Removing  
his goggles, he bellowed "Tyler! Come help me carry the  
groceries into the kitchen!"  
As Burt continued to unpack, Tyler ambled out of the house  
and began lifting bags of tinned peaches out of the buggy's  
netting. "Did you remember to get some cake mix?"  
"Now, I told you that we weren't going to make a big deal of  
this."  
"If you say so, but I think the girls are going to be pretty  
disappointed you won't let us have a party."  
"I'll worry about the girls; you worry about finishing that  
perimeter fence."  
  
Tyler took all of the groceries into the kitchen. Nancy and  
Rosalita jumped up in surprise. In unison they exclaimed,  
"We thought you might have been Burt!"  
"No, it's me Tyler. There is bad news; Burt did not buy any  
cake mix."  
Rosalita sighed, "Tyler, we told you that Jodie is going to  
bring the cake mix with her when she comes in from her  
store."  
"This birthday party is supposed to be a surprise," declared  
Nancy.  
Tyler looked embarrassed. "Oh man! I think I may have let  
some info slip! Well, lets get back to work on these  
decorations; Burt's going to be out there for hours tweakin'  
that buggy."  
The trio then hunkered down over a table covered with jars of  
paste and scraps of crepe paper.  
  
Lavender and marmalade hues began painting the desert sky.  
Evening was fast approaching and the cake was going to  
require at least thirty minutes of preparation. Jodie  
shifted her jeep into a lower gear to power over some rubble.  
After cresting the ridge, she shifted up and began gaining  
speed. It was then that she saw some Tremors scooting about  
on the sandy ground in the valley below.  
"I don't know what to do" she whispered aloud to her  
surroundings. "But I must make it through."  
Jodie eased on the brake and began slowly picking her way  
through the slimy Graboid bodies. They were not paying any  
attention to her! That uzi Burt gave her would remain in the  
glove box.  
When Jodie finally pulled up to the house she saw Burt  
buryin' his nose in his buggy. She gave a yelp to gain his  
attention.  
"Hello, Jodie! What brought you out tonight?"  
Thinking fast, she yelled back "I just saw a bunch of fucking  
Tremors in the north part of the valley! They may have been  
plotting!"  
Burt took on a steely glare. "Go into the house and tell  
Tyler to meet me out here in thirty seconds, and he should  
bring my AK-47. Maybe a grenade launcher, too..."  
As Burt trailed off, Jodie ran into the house and told Tyler  
what was up. He grabbed some shurikens and shit, including  
ninja stars, and bolted for the door. The girls then  
giggled, "With the men out of the house we can bake this cake  
and put up the decorations. Burt will flip his wig when he  
gets home."  
  
After several hours of brutal combat, Burt and Tyler  
staggered back to the house. When they came up the steps,  
multicolored light cast out from the windows, and the sounds  
of Jimmy Buffet lilted upon the air, lightly.  
Burt groaned. He opened the door to a small party. A banner  
hung overhead which read "HAPPY BIRTHDAY."  
Everyone inside yelled "Happy birthday!" as he came through  
the crooked doorway.  
Burt decided that perhaps it would be alright to have fun for  
a few minutes, and began to loosen up a bit. "What with all  
the Graboids that were brutally murdered by me tonight, we  
can probably relax."  
It was then that everyone began to feel strange tremors in  
the ground. Burt ran outside, and just then El Blanco reared  
his magnificent head.  
"Happy birthday, you rapscallion!" As El Blanco spoke his  
deep voice vibrated so much that tremors were felt. "But the  
real reason for this celebration is that it is also my  
birthday on this very day. I have now lived 100,000 Earth  
years. And upon achieving this age, that is when Tremors  
mature past their larval stage!"  
It was then that a weird crevice appeared along El Blanco's  
skin. A creepy light began shooting from this, and soon all  
were blinded by this really bright light. When the light  
subsided in place of a giant, gross worm stood an  
indescribable entity. It then said "I am outta here! So  
long, bitches!"  
As the entity mad a blue streak across the night sky, Burt  
loosed a barrage of land-to-air missiles, to no avail.  
"Oh well." 


End file.
